Open Letter Im in Tears

Posted In: Lakewood, New Jersey


Large shalombayis


My best friend's Chosson wrote this painful yet happy ending letter and is asking everyone to spread it.
You can receive it for free by emailing you will receive an automated reply with this letter as a beautiful flyer that you can FWD or PRINT
Here is (as much as will fit) -

Dearest Chosson\Kalla,

Mazel Tov! May you be Zoche to build a true Bayis Neeman BiYisroel with much Simcha, Nachas, Parnasa, אהבה אחוה שלום ורעות! As you embark on your lifelong journey, I invite you to read my story so that you can learn from my struggles and grow more than ever at this special time in your life.

Here is my true story. I hope you will find it insightful.

Its been a week after our wedding. Our Chasuna was so lively, so ecstatic…

Yet today, Shira, my Kalla, looks so unhappy. She is also getting annoyed at me for the most trivial things.

“Good morning! How did you sleep” I greet her with a smile

“Okay” She mutters under her breath – in an unhappy bitter tone.

“Is everything okay?” I probe
“Yes” She pretends.

Shira has been walking around with the most depressed and unhappy face ever for the past three days. Any attempt on my part to make fun or casual conversation has been met with curt one word answers.

Maybe I insulted her? Or maybe she just doesn’t like me?
This is clearly not working. Did I do something wrong? What is it already?

My balloon is popping. Just a week ago my best friend Shlomie says I looked like the happiest Chosson he ever met. Now my bubble is bursting.

We got to our last Sheva Brachos. Shira schmoozes with everyone, all of her friends from seminary, and doesn’t even make a point to say two words to me, her new Chosson. I’m on the verge of tears, broken and shattered.

It seems my face is showing it, because on the way home, we missed our exit and got lost.

“What’s on your mind already, you are clearly somewhere else, not in tune to what’s around you” Shira attacks as the GPS says “RECALCULATING” for the 5th time.

“It’s nothing” I mutter.

“NO” Shira insists, “You are not happy around me”

“Quite the opposite!”, I retort, “As a Bachur I was always the happiest person around – why is your face so sullen, did I maybe do anything to you that I am unaware of?”

“Exactly like I said. You are unhappy around ME. Around everyone else you are happy. I’m SO HURT.”

“It’s just that I feel like I’m walking on eggshells because I do not understand why you suddenly closed up to me. I’m afraid to be myself,” I reply desperately.

Its pindrop silence the entire evening.

“I cannot continue like this anymore”, I say to Shira. She breaks down sobbing uncontrollably

We call a major Jewish therapy referral organization and are referred to a Certified Marriage and Family Counselor named Leah(name changed)

As we each share our feelings, how we each feel, the therapist tells us we need to understand the roots of our feelings and also to learn Communication Skills 101.

She hands us a printout of various skills and we practice telling each other how unhappy we are, using these newly learned therapeutic techniques.
As we leave, we hand our therapist $200 for her time and exit.

“I’m excited about these new skills. This is going to really help us”, I think to myself.

We are driving for only 15 minutes when I realize that Shira is just crying to herself. It seems that there is something deeper going on that we did not yet touch on.

I phone Leah, our therapist. “This is normal”, she says. “Clients do not see tangible results until at least 3 months of therapy. It takes time to get to the root of the issue, usually a deeper wound, a childhood traumatic experience. I also still need to learn about your parents and families so we can see where this is all coming from. Additionally, it takes time to get these communication skills running smoothly. Hang in there.”

We both go to sleep in tears. Shira says she has not felt so lonely and miserable before in her life, and that she was hoping that getting married would make her feel even more joyous than our engagement when her face glowed with excitement for a new life together. This new life seems doomed.

The next morning, I pour my heart out to my chavrusa, Dovid, who has been married already for three years. He shares that he too had many ups and downs in his marriage, especially during Shana Rishona, and he finally re-connected with his Chosson Rebbe who gave him precious Hadracha and also found him a unique marriage course that really helped him. His Rebbe also gave him valuable guidance on sensitive topics that he was unable to explain in full before his Chasuna.

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